Drink the hot cup of tea.
I was a very judgemental non-mother (aren’t we all to a degree?!) I remember my sister was eating her dinner, when her newborn baby and my first niece began to cry.
“Aren’t you going to feed her?” I asked rather harshly.
“I am just finishing my dinner and my health visitor told me to make sure I eat and I haven’t eaten all day! Mia is ok, I'll be with her very soon!”
What I didn’t understand then, which I understand now, is that when you have a baby, or in our case twins, life becomes a whirlwind. Trying to eat, shower, get dressed, have some order in the house whilst looking after two newborns is near impossible! In the early weeks, Rob and I were proud of ourselves if we got downstairs, both showered and had had a cup of tea by mid day! What my sister was basically saying is, at some point you have to prioritise you for a minute in order to get back to giving your all to the newborn- or newborns! This is not selfish- it is self care and makes you a calmer and more patient mum.
This is where the hot cup of tea trick was born. Now I don’t mean you leave two screaming, clearly distressed twins to go and have a cup of tea. I mean those micro moments. Those moments where perhaps you were just about to have your tea (or coffee) then the twins start to stir. Drink the hot tea. Before a big tandem feed, I would rock the twins in the bouncer with my foot, whilst simultaneously drinking the hot tea. See it was more than that for me. I am an avid tea drinker if you hadn't guessed and taking those 30 seconds for me, before spending the next hour feeding, thirsty and staring at a chance of a warm break, made all the difference. I could get through the feed, the winding and the change without feeling too burnt out.
As the twins got older, I kept this up. Today, at 2 years in, I still chose to drink the hot tea. So when they are down for a nap and I have washing to put out, a playroom to tidy and dinner to start preparing, if I am feeling a little thin; if I am beginning to feel the prangs of tiredness and dread wash over me, I drink the hot tea. THEN I crack on. That tea may be the only break I get to fully sit down and have a mindful moment for me. Rushing around being a domestic goddess and having no time for me in the day makes me grouchy, snappy, less patient, resentful and stressed. See I quickly realised that even if I did get through my mountain of chores, they would still be there by the end of the day. Self care is not selfish, it is an essential part of motherhood. I am not advocating leaving screaming babies or toddlers causing mayhem to sneak off and have a hot bath, I am simply saying the washing can wait 15 minutes… drink the hot cup of tea, the caffeine will you give a great boost of energy to get it done quicker ;)
