Twins: It’s a mindset!
For those of you who may not have heard the story of when I discovered I was having twins, it was the most magical moment of my life.
For the best part of a year, I had woken up early to go watch the sunrise out of the sea at Reculver and visualised, prayed and manifested that one day I would meet a partner with these given traits and qualities and that we would have boy and girl twins - I had even named them Edward (but we will call him Ted after my Grandad) and Erin. Pretty much a year to the day that I started my manifesting journey, I met Rob for our first date up at Reculver and showed him the very spot I would meditate on meeting someone like him. Rob knew I was also manifesting boy/girl twins and with his mum being an identical twin, it was always something he had longed for too. 5 months later and about 2 years earlier than we had planned, we found out I was pregnant and 12 weeks on from that, that it was twins!
lll be honest, when they first told me they are sharing a placenta and therefore identical, my heart did drop a little. “Kelly, you didn’t even release 2 eggs and yet you still managed to manifest twins!!” Rob told me. But then the scans started stumping the sonographers. I originally decided that I did not want to find out the sex of the babies and after winning a game of rock, paper, scissors, I agreed that Rob could find out then. “Why don’t you tell ME what sex the twins are!” I suggested and the timings could not have been any more perfect, because the 16 and 18 week scans were just in time for christmas - I mean how many women can say their partner told them the sex of their unborn twins as a christmas present?!
At 16 weeks, twin 1 was hiding themselves, but twin 2 was very proudly showing off who they were. Rob brought the cannon and we both assumed that as they are identical, whatever twin 2 was, twin 1 must be the same. Then came the 18 week scan, 3 days before christmas. Rob’s face was white! I instantly knew something was up by the way he walked out of the scan, “just tell me the babies are okay, are they okay?” I pleaded.
“Yes they are fine Kel. But I can’t tell you too much without giving it away.”
Of course I badgered him, “they think there is another placenta.”
My heart skipped a beat, I knew what this meant. They don’t think they are identical and if they don’t think they are identical they think I have one of each!
Christmas day arrived and Rob gave me strict instructions that this cannon was definitely twin 2. Now, Rob’s family are all boys. He is one of 4 boys and his eldest brother has 2 boys - so the Brady’s were due a girl. On my side, I have 3 nieces, so we were due a boy……
BLUE! Twin 2 was a boy - ANOTHER Brady boy, but the first grandson for the Hobbs clan. It took 2 more weeks for a second opinion on twin 1, but finally on the 17th of January I popped the pink cannon and lept to Rob with happy tears, “I have Ted and Erin!”
So for me, twins really is a mindset!
However, I appreciate that this story is unique to me. Quite often when we try for a baby, unless it was IVF and 2 embryos were implanted, you tend to try for A baby, not two. Not everyone is thrilled to know they are expecting twins, not everyone manifested this choice and I respect and honour you too. I have spoken to these women, supported these women and even hugged them- and do you what? They are no less of a mother for admitting that they never planned on twins and they find this hard.
When you first find out it is twins, as the mum, your mind goes at double speed: how big will I get? How do I take care of two at the same time? How do you feed two? How do you leave the house with two? All of these questions were my first thoughts too (and now I have answered them for you in the course!) It really does come down to mindset and here was my process:
1. Twins have been born for centuries and in a time before we had fancy prep machines, disposable nappies, slimline prams and Isofix car seats, mums managed. You can manage too.
2. If you tell yourself it is going to be hard, I can’t do this - you will find it harder because that is what you are telling yourself and your brain. It is a bit like the self-fulfilling prophecy, you are hypnotising yourself into making twins harder!
3. Expect the best, but be prepared for the hard work. When we started sleep training for example, I expected them to start sleeping longer (and they did) but I had to be prepared to put in the hard work, the consistency and follow through, even when I was shattered and it would have been easier to give in and go for the short term easier option. I am reaping the rewards of 2 babies who have been sleeping 12 hours a night from 3 months old, who can self-settle and self soothe and who are thriving developmentally.
4. Seek support - you really don’t have to do it all and do it alone. Partners, friends and family often want to help and allow them. For example, I gave Rob the twins to take to his ‘Dad breakfast club’ at 5 weeks old. I was combi feeding, so if he needed to he could have given them milk. He went to meet 3 of his best mates who were all seasoned pros at being a dad, so he had support and I got a rest.
5. BREATHE - in those moments where it feels like they are just screaming and nothing you are doing is helping - make sure they are safe, take a step out of the room and take 5 deep breaths. You will be surprised how you suddenly know what to do (I shall write another blog on this) More often than not the whole scenario is not going on for as long as you think - I promise they will settle again
6. Enjoy them, play with them and take pride that you are superhuman for both growing, birthing and raising 2 babies at once.
